I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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