I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
