Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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