Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
