Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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