Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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