I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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