Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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