so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
