Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.

Fav 6 2653 882
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(901): View more from Tennessee

He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

Fav 12 1014 6576
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just snuked. Sneezed and puked

Fav 16 1575 6816
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(985): View more from Louisiana

she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.

Fav 11 3918 1355
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(386): View more from Florida

I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking

Fav 7 1394 988
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??

Fav 10 3790 1217
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night

Fav 5 1604 827
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(585): View more from New York

I think I swiped left on my soulmate

Fav 0 153 195
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(693): View more from

if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”

Fav 0 28 7
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