just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize