one two three fourrrrnication!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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