Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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