Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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