You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize