i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ttyl tear gas
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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