Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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