I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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