I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
