he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
