i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
