yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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