if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
