Your mouth is God's brothel.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
