Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
