Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
