i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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