Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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