You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
