At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
