jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
