I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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