For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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