he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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