is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
