I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize