you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
