More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
