Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
pop tarts are not kleenex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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