I cockslap morals
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
