His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the liver wants what the liver wants
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
