Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
