My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize