I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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