The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
