Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You are a genius and a whore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
