My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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