I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize