I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
