Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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