Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
