i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
