I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
