She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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