you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize