It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
