the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
