Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
