You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
