She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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