Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
