Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
