lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
