He uses pillows to masturbate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize