Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
