the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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