Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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