the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
