Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize