Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
