I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
