what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize