Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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