Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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