Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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