I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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