I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
