i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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