we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
