Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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