very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's always time for handjobs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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