Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
