ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
