I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
