you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
