True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
