Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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