I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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