Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
