how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
