my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
