i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
