it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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