So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
