i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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