So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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