I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
