you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
