3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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