I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
