They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize