Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
