I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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