phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
