are you so shy because you have an std?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
