that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
