I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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