I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
